A Deliquent’s Bill Of Rights

LiveScience just created a bill of rights for delinquents in their Top 10 Bad Things That are Good For You. The following is a hypothetical narrative based on the list, going from 10 to 1.

One Saturday afternoon,  a LiveScience writer drank too much beer, got angry and decided to have some coffee to sober up. But then someone popped him some LSD because they thought he was an alcoholic, which made him want to go wander around in the sunlight where he could see magical things. He stumbled upon a pile of maggots chomping on a dead rabbit in a patch of marijuana. So inspired by the natural elements, he went back home, smoked a doobie and remembered that he needed to get his daily dose of antioxidants, so he opened a bottle of red wine. But, since the wine didn’t resolve the munchies, he downed a pile of dark chocolate, which made him really horny and so he called up his girlfriend to have sex.

The End