One Million for Obama on Facebook

Well, it seems that Generation Y is flexing their electoral power with the news that there are over one million supporters of Barack Obama on Facebook. The news may not seem terribly startling when you realize there are 80 million users of Facebook. Still, when you compare the 1,002,438 supporters of Obama with McCain’s 146, 808 supporters - the generational gap between the candidates and the voters becomes painfully obvious.

Upon hearing this news a friend of mine joked that when McCain was told about the one million plus supporters of Obama’s Facebook Group he said, “Wait, what is Facebook?”

Sadly, this is sort of improvisational quote could be true.

McCain VP Pick Is Just a Google Away

According to a Yahoo! news story, the John McCain Presidential Campaign is using the Internet to vet a list of potential GOP Vice Presidential candidates. I’d like to reiterate that it must be the campaign team using the Internet, because we already know here at Absurdities! that McCain is not familiar with computers, let alone the World Wide Web.

This fact is painfully obvious (again) in the interview with McCain about the idea:

“You know, basically it’s a Google,” he said to laughter at a fund-raising luncheon when asked how the selection process was going. “What you can find out now on the Internet — it’s remarkable.”

Yes, it is remarkable what is on the Internet, John McCain. But my question is - have you ever seen what “a Google” looks like? He almost makes it sound as if he is using a four-headed monster to figure out his choice for Vice President.

McCain Does Not Know How to Use a Computer

There really wasn’t a catchy headline I could think of for this story - mostly because the truth of the matter is just so absurd.

Really? I can’t believe there someone is running for Commander-in-Chief who does not know how to use a computer? That is just ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as the idea that George W. Bush cuts his own brush.

I heard this news a long time ago when I was doing research for the WashingtonPost.com on the primary candidates for each party. I thought this story would have gotten more attention by now in the mainstream media.

The Daily Kos, however, did report on it saying when McCain was asked whether he is a Mac or PC person, he answered: “Neither, I’m an illiterate that has to rely on my wife for all of the assistance I can get.”

Al Gore must be stomping around madly whenever he hears this fact. And Howard Dean. The Democrats better destroy the GOP this election cycle, otherwise that is just going to be a sad day for politics and a sad day for the Internet.

This whole thing also reminds me of the movie Zoolander - I can see McCain almost saying, “I’m going to Googlize her” and “The files are in the computer!”

Let’s elect Obama - at least for the sake of the World Wide Web. Hollar back IP address - if only you had a ballot you could cast.

Sex & Politics: Be Safe, Not Sorry

Well it seems that the politicos are finally getting a sense of humor with the distribution of Obama and McCain condoms. The description of the Obama Condoms is just too funny, and somewhat obscene:

These are uncertain times. The economy’s a ball-buster and the surge went flaccid… but now there’s Obama Condoms, for a change you can believe in!

* FOR THE ELITIST PENIS
* THEY WON’T LEAVE A BITTER TASTE IN YOUR MOUTH
* WHEN YOU JUST WANT TO CLOSE THE DEAL

But my questions is - what would have happened if Hillary Clinton had been the Democratic nominee?

WHO SAYS SEX AND POLITICS DON’T MIX?

Practice Safe Policy launches Obama Condoms and McCain Condoms

New York, NY, June 9, 2008 – Practice Safe Policy, the nation’s first brand devoted to showcasing the indecent relations between politics and sex, has launched its collection of intimate yet topical novelty products with OBAMA CONDOMS and MCCAIN CONDOMS.

Now that the people have voted, the lusty patriots at Practice Safe Policy decided that it was time for the people of this great nation to forget about minor concerns like the war, the economy or healthcare and instead focus on the truly important issue of the day: Practicing Safe Policy in the bedroom. OBAMA CONDOMS and MCCAIN CONDOMS were designed so Americans could take their favorite candidates out of the living room and into the bedroom…where the real game of politics is played.

“Our intention is to expose the unspoken, steamy connection between getting elected and getting laid,” said Benjamin Sherman, Vice President of Marketing. “But we also wanted to remind the voters, both young and old, to Practice Safe Policy. What better time to do this than during the most stimulating election we’ve ever seen?”

Practicing Safe Policy has never been easier with MCCAIN CONDOMS which are veteran approved and OBAMA CONDOMS which are Oprah-approved*. Cindy from Arizona says, “Thanks, McCain condoms! As soon as I got on the Straight Talk Express I got off.” and Bruce and Steve from San Francisco say, “MCCAIN CONDOMS are the next best thing to gay marriage!” Jeremiah from Chicago says, “Thanks to OBAMA CONDOMS, I’ve gotten so much tail I’ve stopped blaming America for everything!”

Metamucil to Ovaltine: What’s Your 20?

Nearly a month has passed since GOP Presidential candidate John McCain was forced to receive Secret Service protection as he continues his way along the campaign trail. With his tough guy, war-hero persona officially upstaged by the SS, it is time now to start speculating what his codename will be and how it will measure up to the SS political codename hall of fame. My democrat political friends started a rather humorous discussion about the whole thing, suggesting that McCain take on code names such as “Metamucil,” “Matlock,” “Ovaltine,” “Tempestuous,” and “Ho Chi Minh.” I personally think something like “Granddaddy” might also be appropriate.

Past POTUS and FLOTUS have taken on the following alias’ to protect their identities, which turns out to be a rather amusing list:

John F. Kennedy - Lancer or Dazzle
Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis - Lace
Caroline Kennedy - Lyric
Lyndon Johnson - Volunteer
Lady Bird Johnson - Victoria
Richard Nixon - Searchlight
Pat Nixon - Starlight
Gerald Ford - Pass Key
Betty Ford - Pinafore
Ronald Reagan - Rawhide
Nancy Reagan - Rainbow
George H. W. Bush- Timberwolf
Barbara Bush - Snowbank or Tranquility
Bill Clinton - Eagle or Elvis
Chelsea Clinton - Energy
George W. Bush - Tumbler or Trailblazer
Laura Bush - Tempo

I find this list rather hilarious and a great means to subplot Secret Service communications.

Apparently, with the Kennedy’s it was all about making the enemy believe that the most important United States matters was resembling a Broadway show:

“Dazzle and Lace are on the stage! Where is the lyric? Make sure to keep the lights on, so we can see the Dazzle.”

And then with the Nixon’s, perhaps a nursery rhyme from time to time:

“Starlight, Searchlight, The first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might …”

So what will the Secret Service code names of the 2008 Presidential Campaign tell us?

It’s 3 AM….Do you know where Bill Clinton Is?

Thanks to my politically oriented friends for pointing out the absurdities in the new Hilary Clinton 3 AM ad. This ad is a follow up to the initial 3 AM ad released before the Texas primary where a terrorist threat was supposedly at hand. Terrorism at 3 AM is believable, albeit a little bit of fear mongering, but still believable. This time around I think that the Clinton campaign is trying a little too hard.

This is the first ad from the HRC campaign targeting the Republican Presidential nominee, John McCain, and it attempts to reveal that McCain is out of touch with the economy and tries to boost Hilary into the limelight as being “Ready on Day One.” The political maneuvering of the ad can be discussed at length as it serves not only as an attack against McCain, but Obama as well. If HRC is addressing the GOP front runner, then she is casting herself as the Democratic front runner. Well, sorry Hilary, you are still not going to be the front runner, not matter how you manipulate the delegate counts.

But enough political punditry, what we’re here to talk about today is the pure ridiculousness of a 3 AM phone call to anyone, in particular the POTUS.

1. Why would anyone call the White House at 3 AM about the economy? The stock markets don’t open till 6 AM and last time I checked, the White House was still located in Washington DC, not California.

2. If HRC really wanted to make a pointed attack on McCain she could have at least humored us:

• “It’s 3 PM…..John McCain is sleeping.”
• “It’s 3 AM…..John McCain is running for the bathroom due to overactive bladder problems.”
• “It’s 3 AM….Do you know where Bill Clinton is?”

3. Any married woman who has mascara on and a nice blow-dry at 3 AM is either a) receiving a drunk dial after coming home from the bars or b) about to do something she probably shouldn’t be.

4. It’s 3 AM. There is a big red phone sitting on my desk. Naturally, Putin calls.

5. It’s 3 AM. Barack Obama is calling. “Hilary, lets just forgive and forget about that vote for the war in Iraq….”

McCain Gets Obama’d

Yikes. This is funny, but in a frightening way. A parody of the Yes We Can video and what it would say if it was made for McCain.