The Words “Pokéballs,” “Jigglypuff,” and “Squirtle” Are Ruined

By Pyecraft

Pokémon is supposed to represent an imaginary world of turn-based competitive combat… not an urban underworld of recklessly anonymous turn-based competitive sexplay.

Reports of a weekly underage Pokémon sex orgy phenomenon in Chile broke today. You couldn’t remove ANY of those keywords to make that sound any less terrible. This is one of the few cases where brand loyalty and retaining your key demographic are bad, bad things.

One paragraph sums it all up:

Rebels Without Cause

The teens call their public orgies ‘ponceo.’ On a typical Friday afternoon in the Chilean capital of Santiago, hundreds gather in a leafy urban park for a few hours of sexual experimentation. Surrounded by passing strollers, they trade partners multiple times—mostly engaging in anonymous rounds of oral sex. When the party is over, no contact information is exchanged. Same-gender interactions are commonplace, as the lines between hetero- and homosexuality are blurred, partly by the alcohol and drugs consumed, but also by shifting social mores held by Chilean youth, in contrast to their conservative parents. “Ponceo is about having fun,” says Natalia Fernandez, a 15-year-old with pink hair and a pierced chin. “This time I had seven partners.“

Seven? Come back when you mean business, Natalia. You’re the team’s weakest link.

[When questioned, Pikachu just held a silent, cold stare. Squirtle appeared to understand what we were saying, and became generally excitable]

Don’t Change That Channel

In an amusing act of citizen violence, a drunken degenerate threatened to blow up a chemical store using his television remote control.

The man caused a state of emergency in Canberra, Australia as he waved his hands frantically around and made obscene remarks about his intentions with the volume button.

The Rueters story reports that the charade continued until the state police opened fire with rubber bullets.

It makes me wonder if there is something in the air in Australia these days.  From Corey Worthington’s riot of a party to this shenanigan - it seems that audacious Aussies are running a muck everywhere.

Perhaps Britain is still sending its criminals to the land down under?