This Valentines Day, Express Your Love on YouTube

Well, it is that time of year again when I have to hide from all the pink and red reminders of the fact that I am indeed without a Valentine again (tear). And it seems that this year, Valentines Day will campaign against my beloved singledom in every convenience store, candle lit restaurant, rose filled vase, and even right here in the take-my-breath away, Internet.

1800Flowers.com has made it easier than ever to show your loved ones how much you care - all you need is a camcorder, a computer and click, click, click, your romantic history will be preserved for all time. It is a contest and the prizes include free flowers, free trips, free jewelry and all sorts of other cheesy items.

This is not something I will be participating in as I don’t think any of my romantic triumphs would make anyone feel warm and fuzzy inside. (Insulting someone in order to make them talk to you usually doesn’t get cupid points from the rest of the population. Neither does faking a British accent to appear charming, tribal dance routines, or creating false narratives as a form of flirtation.)

Anyways, for those love birds who just can’t get enough, want to avoid a caloric-sugar high after too many chocolates, or have a strange allergy to roses - try submitting your video. Maybe you could be the next e-Romeo & Juliet to make Valentines Day suck even more for those of us lucky enough to still be single.

A Deliquent’s Bill Of Rights

LiveScience just created a bill of rights for delinquents in their Top 10 Bad Things That are Good For You. The following is a hypothetical narrative based on the list, going from 10 to 1.

One Saturday afternoon,  a LiveScience writer drank too much beer, got angry and decided to have some coffee to sober up. But then someone popped him some LSD because they thought he was an alcoholic, which made him want to go wander around in the sunlight where he could see magical things. He stumbled upon a pile of maggots chomping on a dead rabbit in a patch of marijuana. So inspired by the natural elements, he went back home, smoked a doobie and remembered that he needed to get his daily dose of antioxidants, so he opened a bottle of red wine. But, since the wine didn’t resolve the munchies, he downed a pile of dark chocolate, which made him really horny and so he called up his girlfriend to have sex.

The End