Aha! A new favorite holiday! World Fair Trade Day - the largest coffee break ever! What a beautiful idea - let’s bring all the over caffeinated souls together, get hopped up on caffeine and try to change the world!
Actually, the event looks pretty cool and meaningful (unlike most of the things I write about):
World Fair Trade Day
Saturday, May 10, 2008
3:00 PM - 5:00 PM
Cafe Collage
1346 T Street, NW, Washington, DC
Fair Trade Certified™ coffee and other samples of fairly-traded products will be distributed, including Fair Trade Certified™ sugar and chocolate, provided by Alter Eco USA, Fair Trade Certified™ Numi Teas, and Sencha Natural’s Green Tea Mints and Green Tea Bars, with Fair Trade Certified™ green tea extract and Liz Lovely cookies and snacks with Fair Trade Certified™ ingredients. A special screening of the film “Black Gold,” a documentary about global coffee trade, will be played throughout the afternoon.
Well, the famous “Got Milk?” people have taken their love of Milk beyond just a question mark with the band White Gold & The Calcium Twins. Yes, that’s right, similar to The Monkees - this is a real band, with real songs, that really makes you want a tall, glass of milk. And they are ridiculous (in a good way). Think doppleganger of David Bowie meets Spinal Tap after a fist fight with Austin Powers at a karaoke bar while Zoolander serves up some ice, cold, milk.
The story of how White Gold got together is rare, emotional and something that only fate could deliver:
Guitar geniuses like White Gold aren’t just born. They’re honed. Crafted. Perfected. It’s not genetic coding; there isn’t a strand of DNA that automatically infuses an artist with milk into their veins and calcium into their bones. For this maestro, consumption was the only way to become reborn and set free.
Before the luscious white mane, the four-hour guitar solos and ripped abdominals, there was White Gold, the man. A mess of frail hair, a dull smile and a scrawny body. It was a rockless bottom for White Gold. He couldn’t finish a three-song set without being booed off the stage and thrown out onto the street.
Then something changed. White Gold’s voice started sounding like nothing ever heard before - was it voice training or was he more well-rested? His sculpted biceps were shredding his T-shirts. His skin had a sexy, healthy glow about it. Gossip columns questioned whether White Gold had had work done. He strongly denied it, saying, “Everyone needs to chill, like my milk does. It’s all good. I’m just a vessel for the white genius to flow.”
About this time, White Gold met musical phenoms Skimberly and Wholena, now known across the world as “The Calcium Twins.” The twins’ unrivaled musical talent, matched only by their bewitching good looks, catapulted White Gold’sSM unique sound to an unparalleled new level. Together, they released “Ends, Split Ends.” They began selling out theaters, and their infectious single “The Milkionaire” began to snowball.
This band only has one true love and it ain’t rock n’ roll, but rather the smooth creamy liquid from bosom of your local cow. White Gold is blowing up the music scene with some hits off its stunning album, “The Best I Can Give Is 2%.”
Songs include: “Is It Me, Or Do You Love My Hair?”, “Tame The White Tiger”, “One Gallon Axe” and “PMS (Pour the Milk Sister).”
Take a listen to “One Gallon Axe” and you might never go back to any other beverage besides milk. If you’re lactose-intolerant, however, well, I just feel bad for you.
In the faux category of “Oops - I accidentally became a super popular product,” I highlight the McDonald’s Shamrock Shake. After a prolonged absence from North American lips for five years, the time has come for its return @ your local McD’s in the month of March.
What? Ok. First off - this shammy shake has been 100% buzz and word of mouth, as McD’s advertising hasn’t registered a blip on my radar. But, just because a tree fell in the forest and no one heard it doesn’t mean it didn’t fall:
Once upon a time, McDonald’s decided to celebrate St. Patrick’s day by offering a special, seasonal shake that would of course be - green. Its composed of your standard vanilla shake + green food coloring + minty extracts. So, it tastes quite minty.
In the 80s and early 90s, the Shamrock Shake would be available leading up to St. Patty’s day and sometimes stick around for the month of March. Here is the ad you may have seen if you were paying attention:
Ahem. Yes. But the absurdity continues, as for a short while, there even existed a character named Uncle O’ Grimacey (big purple Grimace’s uncle) in McDonaldLand. Living in Ireland, Uncle O’ Grimacey would come over and visit Grimace for one month of each year to promote the Shamrock Shake. Here’s his ultra rare TV spot:
We do not know what we have until its gone, apparently. With the Shamrock Shake being discontinued for a few years, fond, minty memories and the social media environment have done what they can to keep the spirit of Uncle O’ Gee and the Shamrock Shake alive. None of these sites are affiliated with McD’s.
After calling a few days in advance to make sure my local McD’s was rockin’ the Shamrock Shake, I went with two other co-workers to try it out. Almost as if on cue, when we asked for the Shamrock Shake, the guy behind the counter gave a ridiculously devilish laugh (and really weirded us out). He laughed at all three of us, each time the creepiness of the situation mounting. It was like he knew our fates from that moment onward. One of the shakes we received wasn’t a Shamrock Shake, we had to exchange it…
Three Shamrock Shakes in a row - how do you mess up that order?
Maybe you don’t. Was he trying to save us from it? What does he know that we don’t? It tasted great in our opinion. The thought of getting another one excites me, and I want to learn more about it. But I don’t - know - why.
As if underage birthday parties, animatronic make-believe bands and a rat-trepreneur spokesperson weren’t enough excitement, a fight broke out between two angry mothers at a Chuck E. Cheese’s this weekend. It seems that while the young child was celebrating just a mere 9 years of age, the mother’s took the opportunity to channel their tantrum years too.
The unsanctioned ‘brawl pit’ unfolded in the birthday room:
NATICK, Mass. (AP) — A child’s birthday party at a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant was cut short after a fight broke out between two mothers. Natick police said the mom of the 9-year-old birthday boy apparently became enraged because the other woman’s son was “hogging” an arcade game.
Sgt. Paul Thompson said Catherine Aliaga, 38, and Tarsha Williams, 33, both of Boston, would be summoned into court to answer charges of simple assault and battery stemming from the scuffle.
Thompson told the MetroWest Daily News that police received a number of 911 calls about the fight Saturday night.
He said what started as a birthday celebration turned into a “birthday melee.”
Above - Helen Henny, Mr. Munch, Jasper The Hillbilly Hound Dog, and Pasqually Pieplate aren’t programmed to deal with violence.
A testament to their professionalism, they execute every pre-programmed motion and never miss a…
A customer tab at an Italian restaurant in England incurs a freudian slip when one passive aggressive waiter stirs up emotions for a few diners by giving them way more than what they asked for - fish cakes with a side of profanity.
A restaurant owner has apologised after diners had their very own F word experience - without Gordon Ramsay.
Ten friends found the abusive and sexually-explicit message on their bill at Joe Delucci’s Italian restaurant in Bird Street, Lichfield, Staffordshire.
Diner Clare Watkin said she thought it was written after they complained about poor service.
The party from Walsall had gone to the restaurant on Friday. Owner Nigel Langsdon has begun an investigation.
Ms Watkin said: “I couldn’t believe it. The bill read ‘fish cakes’, which one of us had for a starter, and it was written right above it - absolutely disgusting language….
Yep that’s right - “the poor man’s Bloody Mary” as one consumer called it - has arrived in a slim 16 oz can. Move over malt liquor - Budweiser has created the Frankenstein of beers - the Chelada. It is a combination of clam juice, tomato juice, lime and beer. This ridiculous concoction received a D- from the Beer Advocate and the reviews are hilarious.
“Pours a pink grapefruit hazy body. Creepy. 1″ soapy white head fades fast to nothing. Lots of tiny stuff floating around in it, I don’t think it’s yeast.”
“Yuck. yuck. yuck. Over-ripened tomatoes, clam juice, and lime. Sickeningly smell. I’m afraid to find out what it tastes like.”
“This is without question the most foul thing I’ve ever put in my body, and my first (and hopefully only) “beer” that scores 1’s across the board.”
“16oz Can?? I am not sure what it was because I made the bartender pour it into a glass. The outside of the can should have some kind of HAZMAT symbol, I think.”
One point I found amusing is that in Chile, a beer is known as a “Chela.” I know this drink is aimed at Hispanics in the U.S. - someone discovered that their taste buds might embrace such a concoction - but I am still confused about where this term came from. While I have ordered plenty of chelas, I never ordered anything that looked, smelled or appeared to be a “Chelada.” Another marketing misnomer perhaps?
