Milk Gets Hip With Kitschy Band

Well, the famous “Got Milk?” people have taken their love of Milk beyond just a question mark with the band White Gold & The Calcium Twins. Yes, that’s right, similar to The Monkees - this is a real band, with real songs, that really makes you want a tall, glass of milk. And they are ridiculous (in a good way). Think doppleganger of David Bowie meets Spinal Tap after a fist fight with Austin Powers at a karaoke bar while Zoolander serves up some ice, cold, milk.

The story of how White Gold got together is rare, emotional and something that only fate could deliver:

Guitar geniuses like White Gold aren’t just born. They’re honed. Crafted. Perfected. It’s not genetic coding; there isn’t a strand of DNA that automatically infuses an artist with milk into their veins and calcium into their bones. For this maestro, consumption was the only way to become reborn and set free.

Before the luscious white mane, the four-hour guitar solos and ripped abdominals, there was White Gold, the man. A mess of frail hair, a dull smile and a scrawny body. It was a rockless bottom for White Gold. He couldn’t finish a three-song set without being booed off the stage and thrown out onto the street.

Then something changed. White Gold’s voice started sounding like nothing ever heard before - was it voice training or was he more well-rested? His sculpted biceps were shredding his T-shirts. His skin had a sexy, healthy glow about it. Gossip columns questioned whether White Gold had had work done. He strongly denied it, saying, “Everyone needs to chill, like my milk does. It’s all good. I’m just a vessel for the white genius to flow.”

About this time, White Gold met musical phenoms Skimberly and Wholena, now known across the world as “The Calcium Twins.” The twins’ unrivaled musical talent, matched only by their bewitching good looks, catapulted White Gold’sSM unique sound to an unparalleled new level. Together, they released “Ends, Split Ends.” They began selling out theaters, and their infectious single “The Milkionaire” began to snowball.

This band only has one true love and it ain’t rock n’ roll, but rather the smooth creamy liquid from bosom of your local cow. White Gold is blowing up the music scene with some hits off its stunning album, “The Best I Can Give Is 2%.”

Songs include: “Is It Me, Or Do You Love My Hair?”, “Tame The White Tiger”, “One Gallon Axe” and “PMS (Pour the Milk Sister).”

Take a listen to “One Gallon Axe” and you might never go back to any other beverage besides milk. If you’re lactose-intolerant, however, well, I just feel bad for you.