Obama Fried Chicken

I have yet to really discuss my recent trip to South Carolina this past weekend where I volunteered for the Barack Obama Presidential campaign. I think I am still exhausted from nearly eight hours of “GOTV” (get out the vote) efforts where I knocked on over 200 doors and participated in what turned out to be a landslide victory for Obama. It was definitely worth the long drive and the strange stay at the chain-smoking, divorcee, bandit headquarters: Extended Stay America.

South Carolina, among other things, is a very quirky state. While only eight hours from Washington, DC, it has enough foreign elements to make you realize that you are not inside the beltway any longer. My first observation was at 2 AM on the drive down, when I saw “South of the Border” - the most politically incorrect Mexican amusement park right off Highway 95. It was complete with fake cacti and “Pedroland Park” which boasts of rides named Quadzilla, Wild Sombrero, and The Red Baron Airplanes.

In addition, I just read that one fine establishment in South Carolina started accidentally promoting the “Obama Special” - a two piece mixed chicken plate with white and dark meat - on its menu during the primary season. The NAACP, for one, is not a fan of Obama Fried Chicken.

Restaurant customers order Obama special; NAACP sees a problem

Posted: Jan 30, 2008 08:02 PM EST

COLUMBIA, SC (AP) - The NAACP says a sign on an Aiken restaurant mentioning Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama on the same line as a dark and white meat chicken dinner special was either a gross error or insidious racism.

Bullseye Big Chicken owner Bruce Pierson says he didn’t realize the sign might be racially charged until customers started ordering the Obama special.

He says the sign initially said “Welcome Bill and Obama” as a greeting to former President Bill Clinton and the Illinois senator.

It all couldn’t fit on one line, so Pierson put Obama on the second line of the sign along with the two-piece “mixed” dinner.

Chuck Norris vs. Google

1. Go to http://www.google.com

2. Enter “Find Chuck Norris” (without quotes) in the search box.

3. Hit the button “I’m feeling lucky”

Enjoy.

JT Gets Sucked Into Superbowl

The 2008 Pepsi Superbowl ad with Justin Timberlake incorporates my appreciation of finding joy in another’s misfortune and turns it into a rather entertaining commercial.

It’s Your UnLucky Day

Here are some hilarious videos that needed their own absurdity-schadenfreude list.

Feel free to post others as you see fit.

1. Bird Poops In Mouth

Ahh the perils of journalism. This video cannot be explained in words; just watch.

2. The Grape Lady

This poor woman tries to demonstrate how to crush grapes with her feet, but ends up flat on her face. I only feel right laughing about this because I know it is something that would happen to me. The noises she makes while writhing in pain are ridiculous - close to what a constipated dolphin under the ocean might sound like. The commentary by the reporters after they cut from the scene are also entertaining.

3. Watch the Kiddies

Poor girl, she just wanted to bust a move. Hold your breath - the good part is at the very end.

Make Your Valentine Feel Special

This year the GOP is participating in the biggest consumer spoof of the year, Valentines Day, with the release of Max and Maxine - GOP elephant plush toys - to give to that special Republican in your life. Beyond the absurdity of this marketing scheme - crossbreeding Valentines Day with politics  - is the fact that these things cost $35 a piece!  Take a laugh with me and meet Max and Maxine, the Valentine’s Day GOP plush toys on sale at a website near you!

Sushi Politics

In the midst of this very competitive primary election season, there has to be time to sit back and reflect on the things that really matter. Such as the food safety of Japan’s biggest cultural export: Sushi.

When the news hit New Yorkers that their sushi supply had unsettling amounts of mercury, candidates came to the rescue and promised to fix the fishy situation once elected into office.

Here are some of the satirical responses reported by the New York Times:

Barack Obama: Sushi Ready for Change - No More Red and Blue Fish

“Unlike other candidates, I have been saying since 2002 that we were headed down a disastrous road with our sushi policy,” Senator Barack Obama said. “But what we need now is a president who will not use this crisis just to scare up votes.”

“We need a president who can get past the tired, old partisan divisions that pit one kind of fish against another,” Mr. Obama said. “It’s fine to get the mercury out of tuna. But all fish are in this together. We can’t rest until we have safe sushi of all types, all across this great land. To those who say we aim too high, we say, ‘Yes, we can.’ ”

John Edwards: Sushi Safety Splits Middle Class

“We have to stand up for the millions of impoverished Americans who go to bed every night unable even to dream about tuna sushi,” he said. “This is the other America, not the fat cats plunking down $400 at places like Masa in New York.”

“We need to speak up for the little guy,” Mr. Edwards said, “the guy who gets mercury poisoning and then sits for hours in a hospital emergency room because he can’t afford health insurance.”

Dennis Kucinich: Fish Kills All, Go Vegan

“Americans should throw away the slice of fish (tuna, salmon or yellowtail — they’re all the same) and eat just the rice ball with a dash of wasabi.”

Hillary Rodham Clinton: The False Hopes of Sushi

“Experience counts, and I’ve been eating sushi almost since that transforming day when I heard Martin Luther King speak in person.”

“But I can promise,” Mrs. Clinton said, “that on Day One, I will be ready for action.

Bill Clinton: Sushi, Like Politics, Served Best With A Spin

“Don’t believe these fairy tales,” Mr. Clinton said. “But don’t roll the dice, either. The mercury isn’t a problem if ingested in small doses. Hillary and I are urging all you good people who love tuna maki to cut it into little pieces. Dice the roll.”

John McCain: Bad Sushi Could Never Affect Former War Hero

“I’m too old to be scared,” he said. “My friends, we’ve been through hard times before, but we can overcome this transcendent challenge. I don’t have to tell you, my friends, about my years in Asia. I have the experience, my friends, to handle this sushi ordeal.”

Mitt Romney: Lock Down Ocean Currents from Terrorist Tuna

“It’s all that immigrant fish,” he said. “We’re not controlling our borders. I promise you that on my watch we will not be a sanctuary for dangerous foreign tuna.”

Mike Huckabee: God Says Don’t Eat Sushi

“Nowhere does the Bible mention sushi in the Garden of Eden,” he said. “Give me that old-time cuisine. If it was good enough for Adam and Eve, it’s good enough for me.”

Rudy Guliani: Sushi Not Cause of 9/11, But Be On Guard

“I’ve heard some pretty absurd explanations for the attack, but not that one,” Mr. Giuliani said. Still, “this is a very, very serious problem,” he said, “and I don’t want to minimize how very, very important it is. But trust me, Sept. 11 was a lot worse.”

Guiliani Married His Cousin

Finally someone created the ultimate creep-out campaign against GOP Presidential not-so-hopeful, Rudy Guiliani:

http://giulianimarriedhiscousin.com

My only wish is that I had created this site since I have known about this disgusting piece of information since the fall of 2006. It is very easy information to find as well, so it surprises me that it has not been used more often in the GOP political mud bath.

Guliani’s first wife was Regina Peruggi, his second cousin. They were married for 14 years until they realized the disturbing fact - they were indeed related. My question is, how did this not come to light during the wedding? Couldn’t some drunken grandmother have spoken up when the priest asked, “Does anyone see any reason why these two people should not get married? Speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Don’t Forget to Pack Your Dwarf

Apparently, TSA may not be to blame for my jewelry loss. Dwarves in Sweden are the newest form of luggage thievery and traveling absurdity. Once again, to all my readers: please do not store valuables in your luggage! Wear them or stuff them down your pants.

Highway Robbery: Gangs Smuggle Dwarves Onto Buses

(January 25, 2008)—Bus companies in Sweden are advising travelers not to leave valuables in their bags.

Gangs of criminals are hiding dwarves in sports bags and smuggling them onto buses to steal luggage.

Once secured in the luggage hold under the bus the small stowaways are free to rummage through personal belongings.

Swebus, which operates services across the Sweden, has been hit by this scam several times.

Swedish officials have received similar reports from other parts of the country; as well as dwarves, children have also been used in the scam.

TGIF

Ok here are today’s favorite absurdities.

1. Coldplay - The Hardest Part

The hardest part about watching this video are the acrobatics done by the 80-year-old woman. The video is ridiculous and I’m not sure it is appropriate for children as old lady twirls around in porno style movements strapped in bondage.

2. Parenting 101

When you want to learn how to be a good parent, please follow these simple instructions.

3. Pure Schaudenfruede - Suicide Bomber Blows Himself Up, Unintentionally

This story from Fox News just shows that Karma is a bitch. Best quote:

The would-be attacker tripped as he was leaving a building apparently to target an opening ceremony for a mosque that was expected to be attended by Afghan and international military officials, said Sakhi Mir.

“Coming down the stairs, he fell down and exploded. Two civilian women and a man were wounded,” Mir said.

A Deliquent’s Bill Of Rights

LiveScience just created a bill of rights for delinquents in their Top 10 Bad Things That are Good For You. The following is a hypothetical narrative based on the list, going from 10 to 1.

One Saturday afternoon,  a LiveScience writer drank too much beer, got angry and decided to have some coffee to sober up. But then someone popped him some LSD because they thought he was an alcoholic, which made him want to go wander around in the sunlight where he could see magical things. He stumbled upon a pile of maggots chomping on a dead rabbit in a patch of marijuana. So inspired by the natural elements, he went back home, smoked a doobie and remembered that he needed to get his daily dose of antioxidants, so he opened a bottle of red wine. But, since the wine didn’t resolve the munchies, he downed a pile of dark chocolate, which made him really horny and so he called up his girlfriend to have sex.

The End